Snaggle Tooth Reconciliation

I've made peace with my crooked teeth.



With the realization that for all intents and purposes I fall into the category of "adult" (shocking...yes), I acknowledged that I could take some initiative in various areas. After mulling a good loooooooooooong while about visiting an orthodontist to discuss possible "solutions" for the twisty ones on top and the ziggy-zaggy ones on the bottom, I finally looked at myself in the mirror as I brushed my teeth the other evening.

And I simply had a hard time imagining what I would look like with straighter teeth. Then, I got tickled with my "cheesing" and "similing" assessment from various angles. And in that moment (brief compared to the deliberation time)...my heart was at peace.

Baby steps in growing to embrace who God has made me to be: flaws and all.

Ordinary Radicals

"God disturbs the comfortable and comforts the disturbed." -Shane Claiborne

I recently finished "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne at the recommendation of a friend. Such an incredible book. NOT a safe book. But beautifully challenging nonetheless.

It gave me the opportunity to acknowledge the places where I've become too comfortable. To look them square in the face and squirm. And to fall on my face (literally) crying out for a renewal of my heart. Several times I set the book on the floor and let myself weep because what he was talking about was so overwhelmingly beautiful.

Real community. Real fellowship. Real love.
being the face of Christ starting in our own backyards.

ordinary radicals...getting down to the roots of what it means to be Christian disciples.

It really made me look at what I might cling to that would keep me from abandoning my nets so to speak to follow unabashedly after "The Homeless Rabbi." I thought about dreams and hopes for the future. My dream for that someday when the Lord brings a man after His own heart to pursue me. A lifetime of growing deeper in love. Living adventurously. A dream for children. Our children. The desire to share with them the experience of this incredible world, its people, its cultures, its beauty. A home-not a large one-but one that is comfortable.

There's that word again. Comfortable. These dreams are not necessarily bad, in fact, God may very well want to bless me with family and home someday. But there's a tension inside me that wants comfort and is afraid of what God might require of me should I abandon all for His sake. A tension that knows He doesn't promise an easy road that measures up to the values of this world; he promises to care for us and use us to further His kingdom.

And yet, despite that human part of me that wants to be safe, I want desperately to abandon it all for the love of the Son. To see what plans He has for me if I'll only get myself out of the way. Decrease that He might increase.

I was thinking of the nature of "provision." What exactly is it? How much of what I "need" is rooted in reality? And how much is corrupted by a society telling me what I "need"? Whew...I'll be real...my pride takes a massive blow when I honestly follow that train. I enjoy giving and giving generously. I love to manage my money wisely. I love to bless and be a blessing. I truly truly LOVE it. And yet, if God asked me to give up my cushion of financial safety, to give it all away to the poor like the rich, young ruler...If He asked me to give the money I'm saving for a Nikon digital SLR camera, would I be able to do it without reservation? Would I give it all with a joyful heart? And there's definitely a balance to be struck in that we should live a life of stewardship with our resources. But what is my motivation? Am I operating in my God-given gifts in a limited capacity by still caring for myself before others? Are my strengths being developed for kingdom purposes, or am I just riding a wave of natural knack or ability to keep myself comfortable? Am I robbing others of God's blessings flowing through me in an attempt to be "safe"? Am I damming up his grace to create a personal reservoir of "comfort"?

What am I clinging to so tightly that God can't use it for His glory?
What kind of person is my pride and selfishness keeping me from becoming?

It's uncomfortable when we have to look at the ugliness in our hearts. It's never fun to be reminded that I am not as good a person as I thought. But, Lord, keep me from ever being satisfied with the status quo. Humble me as often as it takes. Keep me hungry...seeking after you with fire and passion that I might be refined into a woman after your own heart. A lily among thorns.

Father, I want people who hear my words, see my actions, and my choices to say "Now that's the Jesus I want to follow." Give me the strength to hold loosely to my things, my comforts, and my dreams...even the good ones...and to cling desperately to you. To cleave to your heart, your people, and your dreams. Keep me from being too comfortable. Keep me from limiting how you can work and move by deciding before hand what it should look like. I want to see lives transformed.

I want to be a woman of God who loves scandalously.

Mexico Mission: Saturday

Departure.
Return to life-as-I-know-it: Changed.
Aware.

Miscellaneous Memories

Mexico Mission: Friday

What a treat to explore the capital city of Mexico. There is such a strong sense of culture here, and it is beautiful to experience it. Part of me battles the feeling that we are wasting a day sightseeing that could be spent serving where we are needed. A big part of me, in fact. But I was encouraged to think of it as an opportunity to embrace all this country has to offer and to receive in addition to giving.

Rapidly, I was enamored with the history of this place. The National Cathedral, the ruins of the Templo Mayor (Great Temple of Tenochtitlan), the Zocalo. Group dynamics can be interesting. I could care less about making it to our restaurant early when there are still museums to be explored and signs to read. Adjustment of expectations.

For dinner we ate at the iconic Cafe Tacuba, a converted convent. Mariachis and mole. I was a happy girl.

Sights of Mexico City

Mexico Mission: Thursday

Last day in Xoxocotla. A shortened one.

We saw some of the same people come back for second helpings of vitamins and pin worm medication! Others that didn't get seen yesterday due to the long lines. We had a family of Nauhatl indians. Only the young mother spoke Spanish, the grandparents and children spoke only an ancient Aztec dialect that was not even remotely similar to Spanish!



The church had a huge party for us last night. Lots of speeches and prayers. Beautiful gifts presented to everyone. I felt so blessed in the midst of everything. What a gift from them to us, especially considering that a couple in the local church lost their very sickly, 3 month old baby earlier in the week. Joy in the face of mourning.



I still feel like I haven't connected with God the way I expected. Perhaps my eyes simply aren't open enough to see the face of Christ in each and every person I encounter. I think also God is teaching me to be open to Him and HIS expectations. To stop projecting the way I think things should be.

Help me to see and feel you everywhere, Lord. To be open and surrendered to you and your vision for each and every situation.

Mexico Mission: Wednesday

Today we setup for two days of clinic in the local school of Xoxocotla. The standards of the facilities were low compared to even the poorer schools in the states: cracked glass windows, dirty concrete, rickety desks. But there were roofs and it is a place for children to learn. That is better than nothing. We walked right through the local marketplace to get there. Piles of fruit, fresh and rotting. Bundles of taquitos. Ropes of fried, cinnamon-sugar coated dough. Tortillas. Gorditos. Raw, plucked chickens with their feet raised awkwardly in the air in feeble surrender to rigor mortis. Flies sampling the wares everywhere. And people: talking, walking, laughing, pushing wheelbarrows, playing, selling, buying.



It was supposed to be our busiest day, but apparently there was a mandatory meeting for anyone receiving government aid for school, so that eliminated a lot of people. Still, many came through, patiently waiting their turn. Beautiful babies and wee tots. One little 11-month old girl, Paloma Rubi, with the biggest, blackest, most beautifully inquiring eyes I have ever seen. She was so alert, watching Dad like a hawk, curious to know what was going on! Lots of diabetics and high blood pressure cases...a few previously undiagnosed. There is so much chronic illness. Can they even afford the constant medication they require to avoid the complications associated with each disease?

We had lunch at the house of one of the local church members. It's a lesson in humility to accept such generosity from people you know do not have much.

Lavish like grace.

Mexico Mission: Tuesday

Today we set up in the neighborhood village of Miguel Hidalgo. There was a doctor at this little clinic, but he had no medicines to distribute. How frustrating that must be as a professional. When we got there, he was pouring bleachy water of the concrete, open air rooms and rickety metal benches to get everything ready! Welcomed and disinfected! Thanks, Lord!

We became the local event of the day. People seemed to simply come and stay for the day. Carts drove up and began selling fruit and clothes just outside the courtyard!

Sketches from clinic:

Desperation
A man came to Dr. Joe with a shoulder that had been dislocated for almost 3 weeks following an intoxicated motorcycle accident. Blood sugar 552, blood pressure 200/110. A walking disaster at any age, this man appeared relatively young. The shoulder was too swollen to be put back into the socket without putting him to sleep. We could give him medicines for his pain and other ailments, but without the use of his arm he could not work. His wife had left him, and he was there with his mom and sister who were trying to help him. What this man really needed, we (in our own strength and preparation) could not give him. Mom asked if she could pray for him. She said she had never felt such a strong anointing to pray for healing. It's not like in the states where we have many different avenues to pray for healing (Lord use the doctors, Lord use modern medical techniques, etc.). This man had no other hope than a miracle. The doctors he had seen told him there was nothing wrong (though there was obvious separation). Miraculously, a woman volunteering with us as a translator knew some people who worked at the hospital in Cuernevaca. She called them and told them she was sending the man to them and to look after him. We took up a collection for transportation and food. As we placed the money in their hands, all three began to weep and dazedly left in blessed shock. I don't know the ultimate outcome, but I believe that they experienced God's abundant grace through this situation.

Maira
The hardest part of the day for me was Maira: the 16 year-old girl, 5 months pregnant. A tiny little thing with big, shy eyes and smooth baby skin. Already uncomfortable, moving slowly, and having trouble sitting and walking, she was too young and too small to be growing a baby. I wondered how she got there. Consent? Rape? Did she really know how her life would change? How high risk pregnancies in one so young and small can be? My heart was so flooded with compassion that I very nearly lost it. Tears welled in my eyes as Dad examined her and told her where the baby's back, head, and feet were. Lord, touch her with your love and grace. Surround her with your presence that she might know she is your beloved daughter. I am helpless to intervene through any other avenue but intercession.