Ordinary Radicals

"God disturbs the comfortable and comforts the disturbed." -Shane Claiborne

I recently finished "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne at the recommendation of a friend. Such an incredible book. NOT a safe book. But beautifully challenging nonetheless.

It gave me the opportunity to acknowledge the places where I've become too comfortable. To look them square in the face and squirm. And to fall on my face (literally) crying out for a renewal of my heart. Several times I set the book on the floor and let myself weep because what he was talking about was so overwhelmingly beautiful.

Real community. Real fellowship. Real love.
being the face of Christ starting in our own backyards.

ordinary radicals...getting down to the roots of what it means to be Christian disciples.

It really made me look at what I might cling to that would keep me from abandoning my nets so to speak to follow unabashedly after "The Homeless Rabbi." I thought about dreams and hopes for the future. My dream for that someday when the Lord brings a man after His own heart to pursue me. A lifetime of growing deeper in love. Living adventurously. A dream for children. Our children. The desire to share with them the experience of this incredible world, its people, its cultures, its beauty. A home-not a large one-but one that is comfortable.

There's that word again. Comfortable. These dreams are not necessarily bad, in fact, God may very well want to bless me with family and home someday. But there's a tension inside me that wants comfort and is afraid of what God might require of me should I abandon all for His sake. A tension that knows He doesn't promise an easy road that measures up to the values of this world; he promises to care for us and use us to further His kingdom.

And yet, despite that human part of me that wants to be safe, I want desperately to abandon it all for the love of the Son. To see what plans He has for me if I'll only get myself out of the way. Decrease that He might increase.

I was thinking of the nature of "provision." What exactly is it? How much of what I "need" is rooted in reality? And how much is corrupted by a society telling me what I "need"? Whew...I'll be real...my pride takes a massive blow when I honestly follow that train. I enjoy giving and giving generously. I love to manage my money wisely. I love to bless and be a blessing. I truly truly LOVE it. And yet, if God asked me to give up my cushion of financial safety, to give it all away to the poor like the rich, young ruler...If He asked me to give the money I'm saving for a Nikon digital SLR camera, would I be able to do it without reservation? Would I give it all with a joyful heart? And there's definitely a balance to be struck in that we should live a life of stewardship with our resources. But what is my motivation? Am I operating in my God-given gifts in a limited capacity by still caring for myself before others? Are my strengths being developed for kingdom purposes, or am I just riding a wave of natural knack or ability to keep myself comfortable? Am I robbing others of God's blessings flowing through me in an attempt to be "safe"? Am I damming up his grace to create a personal reservoir of "comfort"?

What am I clinging to so tightly that God can't use it for His glory?
What kind of person is my pride and selfishness keeping me from becoming?

It's uncomfortable when we have to look at the ugliness in our hearts. It's never fun to be reminded that I am not as good a person as I thought. But, Lord, keep me from ever being satisfied with the status quo. Humble me as often as it takes. Keep me hungry...seeking after you with fire and passion that I might be refined into a woman after your own heart. A lily among thorns.

Father, I want people who hear my words, see my actions, and my choices to say "Now that's the Jesus I want to follow." Give me the strength to hold loosely to my things, my comforts, and my dreams...even the good ones...and to cling desperately to you. To cleave to your heart, your people, and your dreams. Keep me from being too comfortable. Keep me from limiting how you can work and move by deciding before hand what it should look like. I want to see lives transformed.

I want to be a woman of God who loves scandalously.